Nothing about the birth of my amazing baby girl, Nova, went as planned or how I envisioned. They say if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. Never has that saying rung more true.
Though
my birth plan was thrown straight out the window, I stand by every
decision I made. If I did it again, I would make all the same choices.
Without further ado, here is Nova's birth story.
It's really long.
Sorry.
How It All Started:
I thought she was going to be late. I would have sworn she was going to be an October 1st baby. Man, was I wrong!
On
Tuesday, September 10th I went to my 38 week appointment expecting the
normal "everything is looking great" type of appointment. However, right
from the beginning things were looking bad. The first thing they did
was check my blood pressure and test my urine (like they did at the
beginning of every appointment). They discovered my blood pressure was
oddly high and I had proteins in my urine (tmi?).
What does that mean? More on that later.
I
proceeded to see the doctor and we talked about my desire for a natural
birth. She was very supportive and gave me some tips. After that, they
took my blood pressure again a few times. Still too high. The doctor
came over and softly said (and you know when a doctor talks softly,
something is wrong) I should go to labor and delivery for more tests.
High
blood pressure and proteins in my urine suggest something called
preeclampsia. What is preeclampsia? A very serious "disease" that can
develop in the last stage of pregnancy. Due to high blood pressure, the
mom is at risk of having seizures or a stroke. A very real possibility.
Luckily, it rarely effects the baby.
So
I call Mike. When he answers, I calmly ask, "How busy are you right
now?" He knew I just came out of my doctor's appointment so he says,
"Why?" So I repeat the question. He replies, "Did your water just
break?"
Oops! See what I mean about the calm voice? People assume the worst. :)
Anyways,
I tell him what's up and we both rush home to pick up our hospital bags
and anything else we might need....just in case.
Why?
Because there is only one cure for preeclampsia. Birth. If my blood
pressure didn't normalize, they would need to induce me ASAP. Needless
to say, I was freaking out. But we made it to the hospital (Walnut Creek
Kaiser) and checked into labor and delivery at about 6pm.
After
about two hours of checking my blood pressure every 10-15 minutes, the
doctor came in and gave me her option on what my options were. According
to the high risk doctor (whom she called for his opinion) my blood
pressure was so high they couldn't, in good conscience, let me go home
unless we signed paperwork stating it was against medical advice.
The only option: induction. ASAP.
Side Note:
For someone wanting a natural labor, here's what induction means- a
hard and very intense artificially forced birth. Usually, because a drug
called pitocin needs to be used, a natural birth almost impossible.
Why?
Because
the point of using pitocin is to increase the frequency and intensity
of contractions. Usually it means instead of your body doling out the
pain in gradual intervals, the pitocin will make the contractions come
in constant waves way more intense than natural contractions. This is
what I was afraid of, not being able to handle it.
More on that later.
After
the consultation with the doctor, I started REALLY freaking out (which
didn't help with my blood pressure issue). All the cliches about
panicking became a reality. I felt like a vice was around my throat and
heart, like I couldn't breath...I had no choice and I was in denial. I
just wanted to go home.
Being Admitted to the Hospital:
They
moved me to a birthing suite (and a suite it was! The rooms at Kaiser
Walnut Creek were amazing!) and the second I sat on the bed I started to
cry. This couldn't be happening! We weren't ready for a baby yet. We
had two more weeks! We needed to finish moving and settle into our home,
but nope...life doesn't wait for a convenient time to happen.
I asked Mike about a million times, "What are we going to do?" Followed by the pathetic, "I just want to go home."
We
prayed about it, but our judgement was clouded by a desperate desire to
just go home. After all, I felt fine. Mike wanted me to be happy and go
home and I wanted to deny any of this was happening. We were close to
just leaving when my phone rang and my parents were on the other line.
They
knew something was going on since I'd told them I was going to labor
and delivery for "tests". I told my mom, in gushes of tears, about the
doctor's diagnosis and recommendation. To my surprise, my mom
wholeheartedly agreed that I should stay in the hospital. She was no
stranger to preeclampsia having suffered it with her first pregnancy.
She knew the risks were very real and very serious to me.
It
was the kick we needed. I begged my parents to come to the hospital and
they promised they were on their way. This was 9pm on September 10th. I
told the doctors we were going to wait to make a decision until my
parents arrived. They weren't pleased, but they allowed it.
Thirty
minutes later, my parents arrived to hold my hand. I was terrified
about the choice I knew I was going to have to make, but with Mike, my
mom, and my dad by my side (plus, the best doctor ever) I made it.
I was going to be induced into labor.
The Induction:
Step 1: Foley Bulb Catheter
This
is a cath that they insert (tmi?) and fill the end with water to help
naturally dilate your cervix. They could used meds to artificially do
this, but since this was the most natural way I agreed to it. Not very
pleasant, but not painful.
The
foley bulb stayed in for 13 hours. Now, that sounds like a long time
(and it was) but I had it put in at midnight so most of the time was
spent in fretful sleep. They kept taking my blood pressure every 15-30
minutes and coming in to change my IV's so I could only sleep in short
bursts.
The
other thing they did was give me magnesium sulfate. That was to stop
any potential seizures but had many possible side effects so they were
constantly monitoring my reflexes and urine output (tmi, again? Don't
worry. It only gets worse from here.).
However,
two normal side effects were over-heating and nausea. I got both for
the first two hours or so. They had to give me anti-nausea medicine, but
after the first large dose of magnesium sulfate, they lowered the
amount and I no longer had nausea. I was very hot, though, and poor Mike
had to fan me for hours and our room was at about 65 degrees the whole
time.
Finally,
at about 1pm on Wednesday September 11th, they felt like the foley bulb
could be removed (usually it just falls out on its own, but I was
special. They had to take it out. Yippee.) which was a huge relief!
Pitocin
With
the foley bulb out, they discovered I was 3.5cm dilated. This was very
good, but I still had a long way to go. For those of you who don't know
(Mike didn't), full dilation is at 10cm and that's when you start
pushing.
So,
they needed to keep things progressing. The nurse came in and said the
doctor wanted to start pitocin. My eyes went wide and I turned white
(probably) because I knew what pitocin meant.
I
knew it would start the pain. I knew there was no turning back. Every
step was scary and every time they told me the next one I felt so much
fear about what was coming. There were so many possibilities as to how
the next few hours or days could go. A lot of induced women labor for
HOURS with slow and painful progress. I feared that was my fate and I
knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.
I
really had no choice, there was no other option so I let her start the
pitocin at the lowest dose possible. They increased the dosage a little
every 30 minutes.
Manually Breaking My Waters
At
about 3 or 4 pm, with no sign of painful contractions (I was having
contractions, I just didn't really feel them) they doctor came in with
another step forward. She wanted to manually break my waters.
This
sent me into a small fear spiral. It was as if they'd read my birth
plan and said, "What can we do to make sure we do the opposite of
everything on here?" On my birth plan are these exact sentences:
·
I would like to avoid
induction unless it is medically necessary.
·
I would like to try alternative means of labor
augmentation and no other means of
inducing labor.
·
Please do not rupture my membranes artificially
unless medically indicated.
Well,
all that was out the window! Unless medically necessary. And it was ALL
turning out to be medically necessary. They say your birth plan never
turns out how you envision, but this was ridiculous.
Needless
to say, I was pretty much terrified and kept saying so. Mike held my
hand through the whole thing and was so calm. He was my rock. My poor
sleepy rock.
Of
course, after some talking with my parents and Mike, I decided to let
them break my waters. I didn't feel a thing and only a tiny amount of
fluid came out...then we waited.
The Contractions from...You-Know-Where...
It was about 6pm when the crap hit the fan.
The
contractions started small for about 10 minutes, then....the pain
slammed into me. Everything they said about pitocin was right. The
contractions came in wave after wave, washing over me with no pause. At
least, that's how it felt. Apparently, there were about 2 minutes
between each contraction, but to me if felt like one came on top of the
other. No time to rest between, no time to gather my wits.
After
about 30 minutes of non-stop intense pain, I started to panic and loose
control mentally. I couldn't handle it. The worst part was knowing this
was the beginning, these would last for hours. They could last for
DAYS. After an hour of me clutching onto Mike like he was my life-raft
(including three bites...oops), and making sounds no human should make, I
made the hardest decision of my life.
The Hardest (and best) Decision
I
couldn't take the pain anymore. The poor nurse, she knew I wanted a
natural labor so she kept blessedly quiet, but I could see the conflict
on her face. She wanted to offer me pain meds, but knew not to push them
on me. I said no as long as I could.
However,
I just couldn't do it. I couldn't face hours of this pain knowing it
was just going to get worse. I was so tired. So beaten. So I started to
cry and I said quietly, "I want the epidural."
I
turned to Mike and asked him if I was weak. If I was a failure. He
said, "Of course not." My mom said the same and assured me that I made
the right choice. The nurse took my hand and told me, as I cried, that I
was making the best choice I could.
After
about ten more eternal minutes and about ten more contractions, the
anesthesiologist came in- a wonderful woman named Esther (funny enough,
that's one of the only names I remember from my time in the hospital)
who explained everything to me.
One
thing I am grateful for is the fact that the nurses made sure I didn't
see the epidural beforehand. I could tell they were trying to keep me
occupied so that I didn't panic again. I told Esther I was scared and
she assured me it would be fine. All I would feel was a "bee sting"
where they numb the entry point, then it a little pressure and it would
be over.
I
clutched at Mike's hand once again and breathed through another
contraction. Once it was over, Esther did the bee sting then the actual
epidural. I didn't even feel the pressure.
Apparently
(and I had no clue this was the case), the epidural is like a catheter
in the back. It's a very thin IV so that a higher dose can be pumped in
easily with the press of a button that I controlled.
Within
15 more agonizing minutes, sweet relief came. It was the most glorious
feeling in the world- seeing my contractions on the monitor and
feeling....nothing.
A Note about Epidurals:
Something I didn't know was that it's like Novocaine- numb, but you can
move. So I could shift my legs around, move, adjust myself, but I just
couldn't feel pain.
Before I got it, I felt like the ultimate failure. I wanted a natural birth but
everything went pear shaped. When I finally broke down and asked for
the pain relief, I felt completely defeated. But then the pain relief
kicked in and I felt...free and I knew I made the right choice. I
completely stand by it and I'd do it again in the same situation.
I trusted my nurses 110%, I trusted the anesthesiologist 110%, I trusted Mike and my parents and they all supported my choice.
The Beginning of the Beginning
It's
funny, because after she was born I was tempted to think, "Ah, it's all
over!" But the truth was that it was just beginning. Birth is when
things start, not end, though it felt like a long battle to get there.
Anyways, after the epidural kicked in I slept from 8pm until 10:30pm.
At
10:30 I woke up in pain again. Not as much as before, but definitely
noticeable and it just got gradually worse. I pressed my magic button to
release more meds but it didn't work. Then I called the nurse in and
told her I felt pain and I also felt as if the baby was really, really
low.
Mike was fast asleep, so I didn't wake him until the doctor came in to check how dilated I was.
Funny
thing, right after I got the epidural, the doctor told my parents to go
home. It would be hours and hours before I was dilated enough and could
start pushing. Probably wouldn't happen until the early morning.
That
was at 9pm. My parents left at about 9:30pm and at 10:45pm the doctor
checked me and discovered her head was about two inches away from being
out and I was totally dilated. I was ready to start pushing!
I
immediately started calling over to Mike on the couch, "Babe. Babe.
Babe, you should wake up." He groggily opened his eyes and I said, "You
should call our parents. Now."
He
called my parents first. They'd just gotten into bed when the phone
rang and couldn't believe it was time! They would come as fast as
possible.
I
turned to the nurse and asked, "Can we wait half an hour?" She gave me
this look like I was insane but said hesitantly, "....sure...."
They
started to prepare everything in the room and called in the doctor and
other nurses. They started to instruct me on how to push and what would
probably happen. They told me I could (and most likely would) be pushing
for at least an hour, most likely longer.
My
parents got to the hospital in 20 minutes, exactly when the doctor said
I needed to push NOW. The doctor coached me, with each contraction I
pushed for 10 seconds. Mike braced my right leg while the doctor braced
my left leg.
With the first push, her head crowned but she didn't come out all the way.
With the second push, she crowned again, but more...
Third
time pushing she just came right out and the doctor placed her on my
stomach. I was shocked, Nova cried a little, I pulled her up to my chest
and kept saying, "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh..." and tears came to my eyes.
My parents, behind a cloth screen, asked, "What's wrong?" Because they could hear me crying.
I said, "Nothing! I'm happy!"
The
doctor tried to hand Mike the cutting device to cut the cord, but he
was in so much shock (and sleep deprivation) he just shook his head. He
later told me that he didn't quite trust himself to do something so
delicate at such an emotional moment. So, the nurse cut the cord and I
cuddled my little baby closer.
Then the head delivery nurse came in and her mouth dropped open and she said, "I guess I'm too late!"
It
took about an hour for them to get everything situated afterwards. To
stitch me up (I had a second degree tear, not that I could feel it and
not that I cared), to clean up the blood, to swaddle the baby, etc. My
parents and Mike's parents were chomping at the bit to come in and meet
Nova, but we had to wait that hour.
Finally,
they came in. We visited, they cooed over her cuteness, and we marveled
at the fact that it took only 7 minutes of pushing for her to come out.
AND the funniest fact...she was born at 11:57pm on September 11th.
Three more minutes and she'd have been a September 12th baby....but no,
she was determined to be born on 9/11.
I
asked the nurses if we could just fudge the birth record and say she
was born on 9/12, but they said no. Curse you, ethical nurses! :)
After
she was born, and after they removed the epidural catheter, they moved
me in a wheel chair to my private recovery room. I was lucky to get a
private room and eternally grateful. I can't imagine what it would have
been like to share a room.
They
kept me in the hospital an additional two days to monitor my blood
pressure. I was also given a large transfusion of blood because my
anemia was pretty severe- even though I felt totally normal, I agreed to
the transfusion because I would just loose more blood in the next few
weeks and needed the extra iron boost.
We
learned how to nurse properly, how to swaddle her, how to change her
diaper, and how to burp her. There are so many things to learn! But the
nurses were so great. I could call them in and ask them to help us
swaddle her or change her diaper. They always helped with a smile and
Mike was such a champ!
I
couldn't really get out of bed for a few hours, so he got up every time
I asked just to hand her to me. He changed every diaper for the first
24 hours and made sure I was comfortable.
It
was amazing how normal I felt. My pain level was almost non-existent.
After the whole induction process, the recovery was a breeze in
comparison.
About Her Name:
Before
she was born, Mike and I had a hard time deciding on a name. We finally
narrowed it down to three possibilities and literally three days before
I was induced we settled on middle names for each one.
I
liked Nova Elise the best and Mike liked another combination best. Then
she was born and I went on the fence and Mike changed. He felt strongly
that her name was Nova. It took me about 24 hours to agree- I wanted to
make sure it was right and Mike's confidence put my mind at ease.
Why
did we choose Nova in the first place? It's always been a name I've
loved, but thought if it as a guilty pleasure. One that was too unusual
to actually use and it made me sad. However, after months and months of
searching for names with little success, I asked Mike about Nova. He
liked it, but thought it might be best as a middle name.
However,
the more I mentioned it the more he agreed that it was a great name.
Then she was born like a Supernova and the name just fit. It means "New"
in latin and is a type of bright shining star. She's our Nova star. She
was strong throughout the whole pregnancy and induction. She came
quickly when she was ready and is bright and beautiful.
Summary:
In
total, it took about 30 hours from the moment of the foley bulb until I
pushed. What a relief the birth was over. For about 24 hours
afterwards, I kept saying how weird it was that it was actually over!
UPDATE:
She's
now two weeks old and it feels like I've always been her mom. It's
weird thinking that I'm a mom, but honestly, it feels totally natural
that I'm HER mom. Two weeks of 24 hour duty is exhausting and I can't
wait until I can sleep for 8 hours uninterrupted again, but I wouldn't
trade it for the world.
It's
true. It's totally different when it's your child. I've never been a
kid person, never really cared about babysitting (in fact, I really
disliked baby sitting) and got annoyed when I heard babies crying...but
Nova is different. When she cries I want to do anything I can to help
sooth her, but I'm not annoyed in the least bit. When she needs her
diaper changed it's not a big deal (working with dogs might have helped
with that one). When she needs to be fed every three hours it's not a
burden, but a happy responsibility and I feel fulfilled. I do wish Mike
could feed her, too, but right now it's all me.
We are so in love with her, it's almost scary.
Mike's
back at work, yesterday was his first day back. It's sad not having him
around, but I feel much more confident than I did those first few
days.
My
postpartum feelings are pretty tame. The first couple days at home were
a little overwhelming, especially at night, but after three days or so I
got the hang of it. After my milk came in and she started eating really
well, my anxiety went away. But until then it was pretty stressful.
Oh,
the dogs are fine with her. I was stressed about it at first, but my
family and Mike took care of them until I was ready to introduce them to
Nova. They just sniff her and are completely fine with her. What a
relief!
My
lovely Nova changes and grows every day. It's amazing and surreal to
think she's mine and Mike's DNA mingled together! I can't wait to see
her personality emerge and grow. What an adventure! I highly recommend it.
